


To Build A Home

by SinkingWithLife



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Characters added as story progresses, Denial, F/M, Growing Old, Growing Up, Kind of Growing up together, M/M, Natural Disasters, Song fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2017-12-27 17:54:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinkingWithLife/pseuds/SinkingWithLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the song "To Build a Home" by the Cinematic Orchestra **(As most of my stories are, I'm just now realizing)**</p><p>   When Harry finds Louis in his back yard in the middle of the night, he never thought it'd lead to this.</p><p>Or the one where Harry's house gets torn down in a storm and the only things that really matter are Louis, love, and a tree.</p><p> </p><p>*** PERMANENT Hiatus***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this really quick and I have school in the morning and I should be getting ready for bed right now but I didn't want the idea to escape me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins

   Anne wiped the sweat from her forehead with what she hoped was the clean part of her hand. Her hat did little to keep the sun from scorching her skin, but she had to finish this today. She picked up the garden gloves she had been ignoring since she started (only god knows why) and bent back down. Her swollen belly made the task difficult but not impossible. She let out quick puffs of air as the patted the loose soil around the tiny tree.

   
  
 She leaned back up and fell from her knees to her bum and laughed for no reason at all, something that was common since about her third week of pregnancy. Robin liked to say to her that since the baby couldn't laugh yet, she laughs for it. Anne likes to think that that’s true.

 

   She was due soon, February 3rd the doctors say. It was January 31st and she thought it was a good time to do it and get it over with, before her little boy was born.

 

   Anne got the idea of planting Harry’s tree before Harry was even capable of being made. She had been sitting in the backyard of her childhood home, trying to escape her mother who was insisting that she needs to find a man soon because her biological clock is ticking. “You’re running out of time, Anne.” Her mum would say, and she’d reply with, “No mother, I’m not. I’m 25.”

 

   Anyways, she was sat on the porch with unnecessary babies dancing around her head, and she looked at this tree. A tree that had been there ever since she could remember things, and it was never important, it was just a tree, and she supposes it still was in that moment, always will be. _But how cool would it be,_ she thought, _to have a tree that has been yours since birth. A tree as old as you._

 

   And that was it.

 

   So here she was, 32 and laughing like a maniac at nothing and staring at this tiny little tree that barely reached up to her knee cap. She took deep breaths as she came down from her high and slowly stood up. She swore she was going to burst.

 

-

 

“Robin!” Anne finally screamed after several attempts to wake up the sleeping log. Usually, Anne would laugh at Robin’s ability to sleep through almost anything, but now was not the time.

 

Robin startled and jumped up, looking at Anne, “What! What? Is something wrong? Where’s the baby.” Anne rolled her eyes.

 

“The baby’s in my stomach, Robin.” She sighed and then another stab of pain to her abdomen. “But not for long!” She screamed, clutching her stomach and bending over in pain.

 

Robin’s eyes widened and he jumped up, nearly tripping on a sock that was on the floor. Anne lay in bed, counting seconds between her contractions as Robin ran around like a chicken with his head cut off.

 

He came back into the room and stood beside Anne. She kept one hand on her stomach and placed the other on his shoulder, slowly lifting herself off the bed and doing her best to ignore her contractions. She faltered half way up and fell back to onto the bed in pain.

 

Robin hated to see his wife struggling like this and with an internal ‘fuck it’ he bent down and scoped Anne into his arms (Which was not an easy task) and carried her out to the car, placing her gently into the passenger seat.

 

Anne let out another cry of pain and Robin pushed his foot down roughly onto the gas. The car jerked and Anne really wished she could put her seat belt on, with his driving, she won’t even live to give birth to Harry. Another pain.

 

“Ahh you little shit! Ugh, fuck you Robin!” She yelled and then heard Robin shout “Your water broke!” which really meant, ‘damn, those were some nice seats.’

 

Anne glared at Robin but he only ignored her and pulled up to the hospital entrance, parking and picking Anne up once again, carrying her inside.

 

“I can walk Robin.” Anne breathed out as a young nurse came up to them with a wheel chair, which Anne gladly took.

 

“This wasn't supposed to happen for two more days!” Robin told the nurse as her as he jogged to keep up with her fast pace.

 

“Yeah, well it’s happening now.” She winked. Anne groaned.

 

-

 

Anne held Robin’s hand with a grip that was as strong as steel. Robin was in pain but bit his tongue because he wasn't currently pushing a child out of him.

 

“You did this to me you asshole!” Anne yelled, pushing for what seemed like the 1000th time. “Get out of me child!” She screamed.

 

“You’re almost there Ms. Cox, one more push. You can do it.” The doctor said in a soothing voice.

 

With one a cry that was warrior and one last push, it was over.

 

She heard Robin let out a gasp as her head fell back onto the pillow in exhaustion. ‘Never again.’ She thought. ‘This little thing better be worth it.’

 

“Oh my goodness.” Robin whispered, as they gave the little boy to him.

 

“Congratulations. You have a healthy little boy who weigh 9lbs. Born at 12:06am on the 1st of February.” The doctor said and smiled, then as an after though, “Have you picked a name for him yet?”

 

Anne smiled and watched Robin hold the baby as if he were scared it would break, “I have.” She said and Robin handed her the baby while shaking like a chihuahua. She moved the blanket out from in front of his face and she felt warm. Big green eyes looked up at her in curiosity. Her breath hitched as his tiny lips tilted upwards. “I have.” She whispered one more time and ran her finger across his forehead. “His name is Harry.”

 

-

 

Anne clutched to Harry who was in a cocoon of blankets and walked next to Robin out to their back garden. She smiled as she neared to the little tree that reminded her of Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree. Sure it was rather pathetic now, but it had potential.

 

She bent down next to the tree and tilted Harry so he could see it. She smiled at him, “This is your tree Harry. It’s nearly as old as it.”

 

Harry laughed and wriggled in her arms and Anne and Robin joined in because nothing was funny.


	2. Chapter 1 - A Meeting and A Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry meets Louis and Anne cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sick and I'm bored and this sucks but I'm going to post it anyways.

_“_ Open your minds, my friends. We all fear what we do not understand.”  
  
         -Dan Brown 

 ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
    I'm here to tell you the story of Harry and Louis, and mind you, it's a very long one. Everyone wants to know how a story ends, but in order to undertand it, you must first know the beginning.  
  
 **11 years in.**  
  
   Harry lied on his back and stared at the glowing stars attached to his ceiling, (space was kind of his thing right now, which explains his galaxy sheets and matching pillow set.) and counted backwards from 100 for the 3 rd time. His mum told him it would make him tired and he’d be asleep in no time at all, she lied.  
  
   But to be honest, who’s not excited the day before their birthday? I mean, he was turning 11 tomorrow for Pete’s sake! He can’t just _sleep._ So what he hoped was quieter than a mouse, he slipped out from under the covers and his sock  covered feet padded over to the night slippers that sat by the door to his room. He slipped them on and then stood quietly to listen for any sign that he has woken his parents.  
  
   It was silent.  
  
      Harry took this as the okay and opened his door slowly, trying to avoid the pesky creek it made every now and then. He peeked his head out and looked from side to side, not seeing anyone but their cat, he walked out.  
  
   He stepped on his toes then rolled to his heels, making his footsteps virtually silent. He walked passed his parents room with great caution, even holding his breath.  
  
   He made it to the backdoor and let out a sigh of relief as it shut quietly behind him. When he couldn’t sleep he’d go outside and look at the stars, real ones. Yeah, the glowy ones were cool but even Harry knew nothing could be compared to the real deal.   
  
   He walked over to his tree and was surprised to find someone already there. They were sat with their back to Harry and their head tilted up. Their eyes were closed and their hair danced in the soft nights wind. Their elbows were buckled, keeping their upperhalf off of the ground. They looked nice, Harry thought.  
  
   “Hey.” Harry whispered.   
  
   The boy jumped up, dropping from his elbows to the ground. The boy rolled over and looked to Harry with wide blue eyes. He caught Harrys and Harry instantly felt bad for startling the boy.  
  
   “Oh, uh-um.” The boy stuttered and got to his feet, “I-I’m sorry. I-I didn’t know that this was your property, mum still hasn’t shown me where ours ends.” He rambled and rubbed his eyes, blinking at Harry who was still just staring at him.  
  
   He coughed and looked away again and Harry kind of wanted him to look back again. “Well, um. I’ll- I’ll just go. S-sorry.” The boy said quickly and turned.  
  
   Harry watched the quickly retreating figure for a second and then said without thinking, “Wait!” and the boy turned around quickly, looking surprised, and to be honest, so was Harry.  
  
   “Please don’t tell your mum! It won’t happen again.” He said, with pleading eyes. He didn’t really like the idea of having his neighbors already think he was a freak, he had just moved in that afternoon.  
  
   “No, uh, I was just going to say you could stay.” Harry smiled, then frowned and added, “If you want to. What’s your name?” Harry asked, and smiled once again.  
  
   “Louis.” Louis said, and cautiously approached Harry once again.  
  
   “Cool! My name is Harry. Not short for Harold. Just Harry. Some people get confused.” Harry said in one breath and grabbed Louis hand and brought him down to the grass with him. Louis landed rather ungracefully with one leg twisted in a way that looked painful but wasn’t. Neither said anything, Harry just sat in the grass and stared at the boy he had known for only two minutes but already nominated him his best friend, mentally of cousre.  
  
   He looked older, Harry observed. His hair looks messier up close then it did from a distance. It was brown and it looked super soft and reminded him of his favorite teddy. He had bright blue eyes that reminded Harry of what the sky looked like that one day His mom and dad took him to the beach. He had a button nose, which also reminded Harry of his teddy, and his thin lips were slightly parted breathing in and out, in and out.  
  
   He wore thick blue pajamas, which were a slightly darker than his eyes were, and just socks.  
  
   “Um.” Louis broke the silence and looked away from Harry, focusing his attention on the tree that sat beside him.  
  
   Harry frowned, wanting his attention back on him. “I haven’t seen you before.”  
  
   Louis shook his head, “No, I- uh, I actually just moved in next door in the afternoon.” He said quietly and wrapped his arms around himself when a colder gust of wind blew by them, making his hair dance again.   
  
   Harry instantly brightened up when he heard that Louis lived next door to him, and recalled the person who lived there before. “I know that house! It’s a really nice house, I used to wish I lived there , actually I still do. Mrs. Bunn lived there before. She was really nice, she also made really good cookies and lemonade.” Harry said and took a breath, “She always smelled like cats though, she had lots of cats, like _lots_ of cats. She tried to cover it with this perfume that only  made her smell even more like a litter box.” Harry said and Louis let out a loud laugh, throwing his head back and Harry stopped talking and watched.  
  
    Louis stopped laughing suddenly, like he just now realized that he was laughing and looked at Harry. Harry looked back, “You have a really nice laugh.”  
  
   Louis blushed and turned away, “Thanks.”  
  
   “I like you Louis. I’m turning 11 tomorrow and I’m having a birthday party, you should come!” Harry said excitedly and grabbed Louis’ hands, shaking them up and down. “There will be cake and you can meet my friends!” Harry went on.  
  
   Harry looked at Louis expectantly and Louis just stared at him. “Well? Will you come?” Harry asked.  
  
   “Oh- uh yeah. Yeah I’ll come.” Louis said and smiled, it was the first time Harry saw him smile.  
  
   “Great Lou!” Harry said and Louis tilted his head in confusion.   
  
   “Lou?” Louis asked.  
  
   “Yeah,” Harry said, “it’s your new nickname. We should have nicknames for each other if we are going to be best friends.” Harry stated in a duh tone. “Make one for me.”  
  
   Louis sat shocked, best friends? He hadn’t known Harry for 10 minutes, but he wasn’t going to turn down the offer to be friends with the curly haired boy. “Yours can be.” Louis paused. “Haz.”  
  
   “Haz.” Harry said, testing the word, “I like it.”  
  
   Louis smiled and Harry smiled back.  
  
-  
  
   “Well I should go, Haz” Louis hesitated before saying the nickname, trying to make sure it was okay to say it. When Harry didn’t say anything to tell him it wasn’t, he continued, “I’m getting sleepy, it’s like almost 11 I think.” Louis trailed off.  
  
   Louis and Harry had been laying on opposite sides of the tree looking at the stars and not talking. Simply enjoying having the other there. Louis thought having someone to be silent with was nice.  
  
   “Okay me too.” Harry said, standing up. “You’re coming to my party tomorrow. Right Lou?”  
  
   Louis nodded quickly and stood up alongside Harry. “What time does it start?”  
  
   “1 in the afternoon.” Harry smiled and jumped in place, then ran and wrapped his arms around Louis. Louis tensed up with his arms limp at his sides. Harry didn’t seem to notice though and continued to squeeze Louis. Louis wished he could hug back.  
  
   Harry released him and stepped back. Louis was still shocked but managed to let out a weak, “I’ll be there.” And Harry smiled like all his dreams just came true.  
  
   “Great! Can’t wait. We’re going to have so much fun!” Harry said excitedly and Louis smiled in return.  
  
   “Yeah, I bet.” He said, shaking only slightly. “I really need to go, my mum doesn’t know I’m out here. Sorry for trespassing.” Louis smiled.  
  
   Harry only nodded and watched as Louis turned around and disappeared into the darkness.  
  
   Louis felt warm and didn't understand why, but it scared him.  
  
  
-  
  
   Harry walked into the kitchen with a big smile on his face and his ears tingling. To make sure he wasn’t dreaming Louis up, he pinched himself a couple times. Now sure he wasn’t asleep, his smile became larger (if that was even possible).  
  
   “Harry Edward Styles.” He heard his name called and stopped dead in his tracks, the smile that was once on his face was now one of carefully placed indifference.  
  
   “Mum,” Harry said, turning towards her. Her arms were loosely crossed over her chest and she had one eyebrow raised.  
  
   “Where were you Harry?” She asked, leaning against the kitchen counter, waiting.  
  
   “Looking at the stars.” He said, and she frowned.  
  
   “You could do that in your room Harry, it could be dangerous outside at night. Even just in our backyard.” She said.  
  
   “It’s not the same mum.” He sighed, “But I made a new friend while I was out there.” He smiled.  
  
   Anne raised her eyebrows in surprise, “In our backyard?” She questioned.  
  
   “Yep.” Harry popped the p. “He was sitting by our tree, his names Louis.” Harry smiled and walked to the seat at the table and sat down.  
  
   “Really now.” Anne said, taking the seat across from Harry. “What was Louis doing in our backyard?”  
  
   And Harry smiled because he knew the answer, “He couldn’t sleep, like me. He was just sitting by my tree looking at nothing.” Harry said. “He moved into where Mrs. Bunn used to live.”  
  
   “Oh.” Anne said, “I heard we had neighbors moving in sometime, just didn’t know it was yesterday.” She trailed off, then came back to the issue at hand. “That is still no excuse to go out without permission young man. I’m happy you made a friend but you really should be asleep. You got a party tomorrow.” She smiled.  
  
   Harry didn’t smile back, “Mum?” He asked.  
  
   She looked at him, “Yes dear?”  
  
   Harry thought for a minute, picturing Louis in his head, “Boys can be pretty right? Because Louis is very pretty.”  
  
   Anne gasped and a lot of different things happened in her head at once. Did her 11 year old son just ask if boys could be pretty? Why were there no books on what to do if your son asks if boys can be pretty? What if he likes boys? Can he think boys are pretty without _liking_ them? What if he did? How would this affect him socially? Would he tell me if he does decide he likes boys? How do you explain homosexuality to a soon to be 11 year old?  
  
   You don’t.  
  
   Anne snapped back into present time and looked at her little boy who knew nothing of the world and how evil it could be, and with a small smile she replied, “Yes Harry, boys can be pretty.”  
  
   Harry smiled and Anne couldn’t help but smile back, “I hope Louis thinks I’m pretty to.” He said, and walked away to his room after kissing him mom on the cheek. “Goodnight mummy.”  
  
   Anne sat at the table, staring at the wall behind where Harry previously sat. Her heart felt heavy and she worried for her son. She worried about what other meanings stood behind the completely innocent statement and what was to come in the future for Harry.  
  
   So she sat there in the empty kitchen at 12am and she cried. She cried because she was scared for Harry, life is an evil thing and all she really wants to do is protect him from everything bad, which is a hard enough task in its self, but soon Harry will have even more cracks in his armor and Anne knows she has to be his shield. 


	3. Chapter 2 - A circus and a confession.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not edited and not sure if I'll keep it like this. I think I might re write it..

_“ Butterflies in your stomach? That was such a crappy metaphor. More like killer bees.”_  
  
  ____________________________________________________________________  
  
   **22 days post birthday.**  
  
  
   Harry was currently spread out like a starfish on his bedroom floor, curls (that really needed a trim) lay in an unruly mess framing his head. Louis sat in the corner of the room in a bean bag chair, watching Harry do nothing, which was interesting.  
  
  
   Nearly every day since their encounter by the tree Louis had been here or Harry had been there.  After the few days of awkwardness it took for Louis to come out of his shell, they were inseparable. Louis met Anne at Harry’s birthday and didn’t miss the cautious look in her eyes, almost a warning, though for what, Louis did not know and didn’t bother to question the matter for long after the warm smile she gave seconds after.  
  
  
   And the feeling in Louis’ stomach still hasn’t left, and he’s still scared. As soon he got home the night he met Harry he asked him mom what could possibly have his stomach in knots.  
  
  
   _“Couldn’t sleep hun?” Jay asked, she was sitting on the sofa watching late night sic coms with her knees tucked under her and a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Louis got his insomnia from her._  
  
  
   “Nope.” Louis shook his head and sat next to his mum, “I accidently went into the neighbor’s yard” He said, she looked at him, “They have a son, you know? A little younger than me I think.”  
  
  
    “I know,” She said, turning her attention from the TV so she was focusing completely on Louis, Louis shifted, “I did my research before we moved here. I told you the story of the neighborhood me and my own mom moved into when I was 13 right? Bunch of nutters I swear.” She shook her head at the memory.  
  
  
   “Yeah, only about a million times.” Louis smiled, “But he was out there, his names Harry. He’s’ got a birthday tomorrow. I’m invited.”  
  
  
   Jay smiles, “That’s nice honey.” And turned back to the TV. Louis sat there before focusing on the TV, kinda. He was looking at it, but thinking of the curly haired boy and the weird feeling he got in his tummy when he walked away from him.  
  
  
   “Something on your mind Boo Bear?” Louis cringed at the sound of the nick name he hated so deeply and cursed his mom’s power to know when something was bothering him. Motherly instinct.  
  
  
   “Yeah actually,” Louis decides to admit, “Uh, how does it feel when you're in love with someone?”  he asked shakily.   
  
  
   Jay raised an eyebrow, “Different for different people I suppose.” She shrugged. “For me though, when I met your father,” She paused and smiled and got that kind of far off look in her eyes, “It was like nothing I had ever felt before, so much stronger than any of my other ‘loves’” She put air quotes around loves and laughed, “It was like tiny men in my gut having a pillow fight.  
  
  
   I know that sounds weird, but that’s the best way I can describe it. As soon as I laid my eyes on that man, I knew everyone else was ruined for me.” And Louis kind of wanted to puke at that.  
  
  
   “Why do you ask?” Jay questions and Louis tenses.  
  
  
   “No reason.”  
  
  
-  
  
  
   So as Louis sat in the corner, watching Harry do about nothing important, and he knew what the knots in his tummy meant and he knew that they weren’t supposed to be there for another boy.  
  
  
   “Louis?” Harry said and Louis started.  
  
  
   “Yes?” He asked.  
  
  
   “Are you okay? You were just staring at me. I’ve said your name like 7 times.” He said and sat up so he was facing Louis with his legs crossed.  
  
  
   “Oh uh, yeah. Sorry Haz. Yeah, I’m fine.” Louis rambled and looked towards Harry’s star speckled ceiling.  
  
  
   “I know you’re not.” Harry stated and laid back onto the floor, looking at the stars also.  
  
  
   And Louis wanted to puke again because he’s only known Harry for 23 days (he knows, he’s been counting) and he shouldn’t be able to tell if Louis is okay or not.  
  
  
   The room was spinning now along with all the thoughts swimming in Louis’ head and he had to get out.  
  
  
   He stood and went for the door, stepping over Harry and feeling something catch his ankle and sparks shot all the way up his leg and came out of his fingertips and he did his best not to collapse onto Harry.  
  
  
   “Harry let go.” Louis said through gritted teeth and his head was spinning faster now and his stomach was hosting a circus show.  
  


   “No, where are you going?” Harry asked and tugged on Louis’ leg, attempting to bring Louis down beside him, but Louis refused to budge.  
  
  
   “I need to go Harry, let go.” Louis pleaded.  
  
  
   “What’s wrong?” He asked and tugged again because he was scared and just wanted Louis to sit next to him.  
  
  
   “I feel sick.” And it wasn’t a lie, “I need to go. Let go now Harry.”  
  
  
   Harry hesitated, his hand still tightly wrapped around Louis’ ankle.  
  
  
   “I’m just going to get something to help from your mom.” And that was a lie, “I’ll be right back.”  
  
  
   Harry let go and Louis nearly ran out of the room but didn’t miss Harry yell, “Promise?”  
  
  
   And he froze in the doorway and looked back at Harry with those puppy eyes that confirmed that the circus had just added about 60 more acrobats.  
  
  
   Louis nodded and Harry smiled then Louis ran.  
  
  
   He held onto the wall as he walked down the hallways, nearly falling into an open room.  
  
  
   “Louis dear!” Anne shouted, as she saw the boy stumble by her door. She hopped off her bed and rushed to Louis, noticing he was slightly pale and looked as if he were about to blow chunks. “What’s the rush? You look really sick hun.” She said, placing the back of her hand onto his forehead.  
  
  
   “I feel really sick.” Louis said, “I’m going to walk home, please tell Harry I’m gone?” He asked.  
  
  
   Anne shook her head, “You’re not walking, I’ll drive you.” She said, leading Louis to the living room and grabbing her keys, rushing Louis to the car.  
  
  
   “You’ll tell Harry I’m gone?” He asked again, frantic.  
  
  
   Anne glanced at Louis and then started the car, “Sure dear.” She said and pulled out of the driveway.  
  
  
-  
  
  
   Louis dismissed his mums worried calls with a, “I’m fine.” And ran upstairs, rushing to his room and pulling out the old laptop he got for his Birthday last year and threw it open. His head still spinning as he typed in ‘homosexuality’ in the google search bar and pressed enter with a shaky finger.  
  
  
   He clicked on the first thing that popped up and began reading.  
  
  
   ‘Homosexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior between members of the same sex or gender.’  
  
  
   And he stopped, because he didn’t like Harry sexually (of course not, he was 12). Romantically though. What was romance really? Sure, he'd seen romance movies with his mom, and he supposed that maybe he did was want to be next Harry all the time and hear his laugh and see his smile, hold his hand.   
  
  
     He shouldn’t be feeling such strong emotions towards the boy, he shouldn’t think Harry is pretty. Those are things that should be for the girls that go to his school, not the little boy next door.  
  
   “Louis.” He heard his name and he slammed his laptop shut and threw it off his legs, Jay became instantly suspicious. “What were you doing?” She asked, motioning towards the laptop that lay on the floor.  
  
   “Nothing.”  
  
   “That sure looked like something.” She said, and reached towards the computer. Louis was faster though and quickly snatched it up into his arms.  
  
   “No!” He shouted, and Jay widened her eyes.  
  
   “No?” She asks, “Louis hand me the computer.”  
  
   Louis shakes his head and grips the device tighter.  
  
   “Give me the computer Louis.” Jay said and pried the computer from Louis’ hands, opening it.  
  
   Louis was crying now, “Why do you want to know about homosexuality dear?” Jay asked and Louis cried harder.  
  
   Jay gathered Louis in her arms and stroked his hair, singing softly until Louis’ loud sobs turned to quiet whimpers. “Shh dear, shh. It’s okay.” She said, and wiped the tears from Louis’ eyes.  
  
   “It’s okay Boo Bear.” She whispered, “Why are you so upset?”  
  
   Louis tried not to burst into tears again as her responded, “I think I like Harry mum.” His voice was below a whisper and more of a breath then anything but Jay heard.  
  
   “And that’s okay.” She said, running her fingers through his hair.  
  
   “It is?” Louis whimpered, because the people at his old school didn’t think so. He knew because he watched as they would yell horrible things at a little boy who walked with his head down. She nodded.  
  
   “It is.” She said after a bit and rocked him back and forth as she did during storms when Louis was young.  
  
   “It’s okay Louis, it’s all going to be okay.” And Jay bit her lip and kept her own tears from coming as she held her broken son because she couldn’t promise that it would be. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I late?
> 
> Comments and Kudos greatly appreciated. 
> 
> -xx A
> 
> **************************SIDE NOTE: I just read through this and found tonssss of errors that will be fixed hopefully by tomorrow.

_“Some nights, it feels as if I am consumed by everything and absolutely nothing.”_  
  
  
-  
  
  
   **24 Days Post Birthday  
**

 **  
**Louis was brought back into consciousness the next morning with crusty cheeks and tired eyes. Despite sleeping for nearly 12 hours, Louis felt as though he had run a marathon, legs achy and so was his chest.

  
   “Louis?” His name was called, he shifted in his bed and pulled the covers up over his head, attempting to block out the world that was too suddenly coming alive. “Louis, dear.” His mom said again, this time right over his exhausted body, sitting at the end of his bed and shaking his leg lightly. “You need to get up, love. Harry’s been waiting for quite some time.”

  
   Louis’ breath caught in his throat, he gently pulled the sheets down so he could poke his eyes out from over them, “Harry?” He asked. His mom nodded her head and pulled the sheets away completely from his face. 

  
   “He seems quite worried.” Jay continued, looking at Louis sweetly, “So why don’t you get your lazy bum up out of that bed and wash your face. You’re crusty dear.” Jay laughed. 

  
   Louis groaned, “Can’t you just tell him I don’t want to see him today?” Louis asked quietly. The thought of seeing Harry this soon after he had just come to terms with his feelings, seeing those big green eyes that shone brighter than the sun would set the fire in his stomach ablaze. 

  
   Jay frowned and shook her head, “I’m sorry dear but Harry seems quite hell-bent on speaking to you. Don’t think he’d leave even if I promised him a puppy.” Jay said, rubbing the pad of her thumb across her son’s cheek when a stray tear fell, his face contorting slightly. “No, no. Louis, there’s no need for that.”

  
   “Mom-“ Louis said, biting his lip.

  
   “It’s going to be fine.” She said and felt something twist in her gut but quickly locked it away, “In no time at all, everything will make sense.” She whispered, “But nothing will work out if you lay here wasting away, so get up, go to the bathroom, wash your face, and smile because it’s the best thing you could do for yourself. Trust me.” Jay then stood from the bed after kissing her son lightly on the forehead and walked from the room. 

  
    Louis lay there for a moment, having and internal battle with his mind. He could faintly hear some plates being placed in the sink and the muffled voices of his mom and his friend. Only when he heard the TV click on and the voices quiet did he emerge from his bed and drag himself to the bathroom. 

  
-

  
   “I like cats more than I like dogs though, so I guess I’d be more like Mrs. Bunn instead of your old neighbor. Even though I’d smell.” Harry was saying when Louis silently entered the room, stopping in the archway that led from the kitchen to the living room. He watched with knots in his gut as Harry went on and listed reasons why cats were better than dogs and why Jay should agree with him. Jay sat on the floor sorting through papers and giggling at what Harry was saying. 

  
   Louis cleared his throat unevenly when the room had fallen silent and the only noise that could be heard was the turned down TV and the rustling of papers. Harry instantly perked up and whirled around in his seat, eyes lighting up when they landed on Louis who shifted uncomfortably, his first encounter with Harry rushing back into his mind along with his awkward attitude. Harry though, oblivious as ever, didn’t notice the change in Louis’ demeanor and rushed him, tightly wrapping his arms around his waist and digging his head in the crook over Louis’ neck. Despite everything in Louis’ mind telling him, ‘stay still, don’t respond. It’ll hurt more.’ his arms wrapped back around Harry. 

  
   “Lou.” Harry breathed, lips unintentionally ghosting over the delicate skin on Louis’ neck, sending shivers throughout Louis’ body. Louis wanted to pull Harry closer but opted against it and gently pushed him off his body, looking at his mom who had been watching the whole scene with worried eyes and a small smile. 

  
   “Are you okay?” Harry asked, Louis looked back to him. He was still standing close enough to Louis to touch and for Louis to be able to feel his warm breath when he spoke. Louis took a step back and Harry frowned. “I didn’t know where you went yesterday. Mom said you got sick.” Harry said sadly. 

  
   “I’m fine, Harry.” Louis said and looked back to his mom who wasn’t looking at them anymore but was now focused back on the sheets of paper scattered across the floor. 

  
   Harry didn’t look entirely convinced and wrapped his tiny hand around Louis’ even small wrist, tugging gently in a weak attempt to drag him up their carpeted stairs. “Me and Harry are going to go to my room.” Louis said quietly to his mom and looked up at him suddenly and gave him a curious look. Louis held up his wrist and showed her where Harry’s hand was attached to it and very obviously pulling against it. She gave him a look Louis couldn’t decipher and didn’t have time to think about before he was dragged the rest of the way up the stairs. 

  
   Louis followed Harry into his bedroom and panicked slightly when Harry shut the door. Harry, not so oblivious anymore, noticed his sudden labored breathing and sent him a look. “Are you okay? You sound like you’re having an asthma attack.”

  
   Louis nodded, “Yeah, no. Yeah I’m fine.” 

  
   “Okay…” Harry said softly and unsurely, coming and joining Louis on the mussed up bed. “Why have you been acting so weird lately, Lou?” Harry asked almost timidly, like he was afraid he had done something to upset his friend. 

  
   And maybe Louis was unminding Harry’s ability to hear things unsaid. “Lou?” 

  
   “It’s just something personal Harry, really. Don’t worry about me.” Louis smiled, and looked away from Harry, very aware that Harry was still looking at him. “What?” He said eventually, when he could feel Harry’s gaze burning his skin like a fire and sending chillbumps up and down his arms. 

  
   Harry continued to blatantly stare at him even when Louis looked at him, “You’re really pretty Louis.” Harry said and for what seemed like the 10000 th time since Louis met Harry his breath caught and the world felt too heavy. “Even when you’re sad, you’re pretty Louis.” Harry continued and Louis wanted to scream at him, ‘stop it! Stop! You’re making it worse. You don’t know what you’re saying’. “Why are you sad?”

  
   “I-“Louis tried but the words caught in his throat and he was left sitting there with wide eyes and a dry tongue. “I’m not sad Harry.”

  
   Harry smiled at him but didn’t say anything, only crawled across the bed and wrapped his body around Louis’, breathing a quiet, “Nothing bad lasts forever, Lou. Even I know that. You’ll be okay.” And he wouldn’t be okay. Louis knows that for sure because he could feel something inside him growing and growing and _hurt._ He could feel something tugging and pulling him apart from the inside, every time Harry said his name or looked at him with a look that was meant for Louis and Louis only. 

  
   “I’m tired Lou.” Harry said, pulling Louis closer to him and resting his head on his chest, “I haven’t slept.” 

  
   Louis looked down at Harry, feeding the fire and allowing an arm of his own to wrap around his slightly smaller body, “Why haven’t you slept Haz?”

  
   “I was worried about you.” Harry admitted like it wasn’t that big of a deal, that it wasn’t meant to do things to Louis. But it did. 

  
   Louis was quiet for a minute, glancing out at the sun that hung proudly in the sky, bright and yellow, barely past 10 in the morning. Then he nodded, “Then let’s sleep.”

  
   And when he lay there listening to Harry’s breathing silently even out and become a steady rhythm of 

  
_in  
_

__  
out  


 __  
in  


 __  
out  


 _  
_ Louis closed his eyes and let his own kind of nothing that felt like everything consume him. 

  
-

  
   Jay’s knees where aching and she was fiercely regretting choosing to pay the bills on the floor as opposed to sitting quite comfortably in their brand new dining room chairs. She groaned when she stood up, legs cracking and popping back into place, before walking to the kitchen and pouring two glasses of juice for her boys and a glass of wine for herself, (much deserved if she does say so herself). 

  
   Two long sips from her drink later she made her way up the stairs and to her sons door, armed with two fists of juice and her elbow she knocked softly on the door, “Lou? I brought you and Harry some drinks.” She said, and upon receiving no answer, bent down halfway and awkwardly opened the door with her elbows. 

  
   “Louis, didn’t you hear me knocking? Making your poor mother contort her body to deliver you- Oh.” Jay said softly as the door swung open all the way. “Oh dear.” Jay sighed, walking in quietly and placing the two glasses of juice onto her son’s desk before turning and inspecting the two intertwined bodies. She shook her head once more but felt an uncontrollable smile take hold of her, lips tilting upwards in the softest of ways. 

  
   She kissed the boys on their foreheads and wrote them a quick note using one of Louis crayons and stray piece of paper. 

  
   _My lovelies,_  
  
   I’ve gone to Anne’s for a quick moment but I’ll be back soon. There’s juice on the desk if you get thirsty and snacks in the fridge.  
  
   -Mum  


 __  
-  


 _  
_“Jay?” Anne asked surprised, opening the door and finding Jay standing there looking slightly frazzled, Harry nowhere in sight. “Has something happened? Where’s my boy?”

  
   “He’s asleep.” Jay rushed, “I just need to talk to you.” She paused, stepping inside when invited. 

  
   “What’s the matter.” Anne asked, leading then into the living room and sitting down on the sofa, “It’s not Mark, is it? He treats you right?” Anne questioned quite seriously, not knowing her friends husband well enough to know what he was capable of. To her relief though Jay let out a loud laugh. 

  
   “No, no. He would never hurt me.” Jay said and Anne smile at her, “It’s about the boys.”

  
   “You’ve noticed it to?” Anne asked before Jay could even voice her concern. 

  
   Jay bit her lip and nodded, “Yeah, I have. It’s kind of hard not to. Louis…” Jay paused, shaking her head, “He’s so young Anne.” She breathed out. 

  
   Anne wrapped an arm around her friend and pulled her to her, “I know. So is Harry.” 

  
   “And on his computer last night, he was looking up homosexuality Anne!” She exclaimed, “And hiding it from me like he was ashamed.” She sobbed, letting the pent up emotions bubble over, “I didn’t know what to do, how to tell him it was okay. I could only hold him and let him cry. He likes your son Anne.”

  
   Anne could feel her own eyes water, “Harry likes Louis to.” She admitted quietly. “He hasn’t exactly said it yet, but I know. I know my little boy.” 

  
   “Louis is scared though Anne.” Jay whispers. “I’m scared.”

  
   “I am to.” She said. “Where are the boys now?”

  
   “Asleep in Louis’ bed.” Jay said quietly and allowed the smile to grace her face, “They’re so cute.” Jay sighed and Anne nodded in agreement, recounting the moments she herself had caught Harry and Louis taking naps together, faces at ease. 

  
   “They’re going to be okay.” Anne says, not sure it she’s trying to convince herself or Jay whose face was still shiny with tears, much like her own.  


   “You think?”

  
   “When they’re older, and they know how to handle their feelings, they’ll be okay.” Anne said, “I’m sure of it.” She wasn’t. Jay knew that but they held onto their false assumption. 

 

   “Anne?” Rabin shouted, rushing into the room, looking hurriedly from Jay to Anne who were still sat on the sofa. “Are you okay, I heard crying. Where’s Harry?”  


   Anne let out a watery laugh and stood, walking to her husband and wrapping her arms around his neck, wiping her wet face on his nice shirt because she knew he hated when she did that. He cringed slightly but wrapped his arms around her. “You ladies okay?”  


   “Yeah.” Jay said, wiping her own face with the palm of her hand and standing.  


   “We’re fine hun, we’re all fine.” Anne kissed Robin lightly on the check before pulling back and patting his arm, “I think we all deserve some tea, huh?”  


   “Sounds lovely Anne.” Jay said, following her into the kitchen. Robin stood back for a moment, slightly confused before following them, sitting at the table as the sun set, drinking his bitter tea and laughing at Jay’s stories of her sun and childhood.  


   And something about that evening was beautiful. The three adults, (four when Jay’s husband Mark arrived) sitting in the Style’s light kitchen, the fading suns orange glow pooling in through the window, casting shadows on their faces that light up with their own special kind of light.  


   And next door, in the Tomlinson household that was accompanied only by two, was alive with its own glow. Up on the second floor, two doors down on the left side of the hallway in Louis Tomlinson’s bedroom, where one lay awake and one lay asleep, a young boy figures out the knots in his stomach and untangles them. Realizing his feelings and excepting them, because the blue eyed boy that lay next to him, arms wrapped around his body in a protective manner, was _very_ pretty.


End file.
